I sank into the low chair directly in front of the pellet stove on a night that dropped below zero. I thought I would just warm up for a moment and go back to the Go Back To it Thing, except, that quenching thunder of getting what I need when I need it, and being awake and grateful and aware through it happened. And I tipped my head back and smiled. I closed my eyes and kept smiling.
The warmth traveled down my face and found bodyways to travel like a very very friendly champagne. I just kept grinning. Arcade Fire came on and the song joined the effervescence of bubbles traveling up and down my humanways and so now I am being warmed by music too. And it was another of those, "there is NOWHERE else I would rather be right now" moments, except, I didn't get up and rush off.
I started writing. And I realized that this quiet, luscious, absolute moment and my ability to receive it so comprehensively was not a fluke but a manifestation of grace and joy and satisfaction. It was a direct result of all the love drenched landscaping I have been doing in my garden.
And that's gorgeous, right? This moment was my grown up seedling, strong enough to bring me color and light and breezes and a closer glimpse of sky. But it got better when I realized that the moment is an indicator of proximity to Truly Awesome More Yum. I couldn't feel this so completely, take it in so resplendently if I wasn't really close to even more wonderfull Wonderment-Inducing Wondermoments.
So the moment became an indicator of driftwood (Abraham's metaphor for the things you experience just before a big manifestation of Wanted comes in, like driftwood and gulls you see before you actually see the island itself)
The awareness of this as driftwood, deepened my capacity to enjoy it. I gave myself even more permission and realized the dang chair reclined and I could put my feet up. Recognizing the enormity of the value of this pure joy moment deepend everything. This larger perspective allowed me to receive a cornicopia of gifts beyond the intitial one of simple relief.
The moment became a rung on a ladder. And the weight and heft and softness of the rung in my hand felt like one of the most solid and grounded experiences of bliss that I'd ever had. I knew what was happening but the knowing it didn't interrupt it, it let me relax into the sweet epiphany laden nature of the entire game. I had a definitive and palpable experience of traction with my alignment and I knew that if I opened my eyes, I would see rungs ahead of me, going on into forever. And the grins just get higher and higher.