Today I am 11 days into this and I'm learning so much neat stuff about deep living!
I'm saying neat cuz I'm feeling tired and woozy and flippant.
Neato things about living deeply:
- Depth begets depth. No one is particularly shocked on this one, but man is it cool to experience in action. Like Macklemore, I'm discovering that "there's layers to this shit player, tiramisu, tiramisu." It's raining inspiration right now. And profound connection. And clarity and all the other bi-products of living and listening deeply.
More fully now than ever I get that the level of depth and intimacy I'm currently experiencing in my relationships is all in my court.
Holy shizer is it hard to remember this. I literally forget it every other second. It's SO EASY for me to forget that I'm having a hard time finishing this sentence. Ok, that joke is never gonna work.
- What's started happening is that my nearest and dearest are opening up to me in brand new, and heretofore only dreamed of ways. I'm having some of the deepest, most satisfying and soulful interactions of my life and if you'd have asked me if I thought any of them were possible before the dare I would have told you that these people and I had defined relationships and we weren't going deeper. In every case I would have been wrong. I have been so, deliciously and sometimes, holy crap wow-ingly surprised to see how infinite the depth of connection really is. Holy sweet tenderness batman.
- Stuff, habits, relationships, distractions, ways of being, and situations that serve the deepening are shifting out of my life and I AM NOT MAKING IT AS EASY OR GRACEFUL AS IT CAN BE. I only realized last night that this is what is happening. All my pet distractions aren't working. They just feel stupid. And a relationship that I was lightly indulging in just drifted out of my life one morning, in a really clear and inevitable way. When you set your course for the deep, and hold to that course, and move energetically in the direction of it, everything that's not capable of that depth passes soon from view.
This feels pretty exciting to me right now.
- Probably the neato-est thing is how much more real fun I'm having with being alive, in simple ways. One of my ways to transform a feeling of mundane boredom into deep engagement is to get really whole hog present with whatever I'm doing and this means having way more gusto and clear sailing fun when I'm cleaning the house or putting a bajillion bandaids on my son because he can't stop scratching and because we both really like putting bandaids on and it's fun to overdo stuff when someone is egging you on.
- My thirst to deeply experience and access the depths of life is making me chest bump life more fully, to come at each experience, like, "come at me bruh, whatchyou GOT?" Everything's got this twinkly new potential and hidden depths, like you have been hanging out all day in someone's closet and they suddenly open a door and reveal a massive mansion with secret gardens and a weird paranah pool that's scary but exciting too.
I remember reading Pam Grout's advice to write on a paper something to the extent of "today I'm am going to encounter the coolest most thrilling and magical shit" and I felt a little doubtful that I could truly believe or engage that. Being on this depth mission is taking me a long way towards believing that I can encounter cool thrilling shit often. That cool magic is inside everything. It's deep within all of it. And this neato tuning myself to the deep thing I'm doing is unlocking those layers. I wish I had enough experience with video games to make a sensible reference here, something about powering up and going to next level and unlocking secret treasures. Something about winning. Something about feeling more excited to wake up and greet my new day because with the depths of things revealing themselves to me in new ways, I'm curiouser and curiouser. What happens next?
I very genuinely cannot wait to find out.
Love from the deep,