I'm drawn to tribe, can't seem to escape 'em, feel happier in them then not and yet I'm not as clear as I want to be because the deeper I go, the less willingness I have for any thing that distracts me from the deepening rather than being catalytic for depth.
And tribe has this dual edge, in its less intentional manifestation it takes you from your deep, sweet life, but, as so many high performers say on their lists of Secrets to their Success, is the fact if it weren't for their tribe, family, and friends they wouldn't have found or maintained their Big Yes Groove so magically. They were able to dive deeply because they had a clearly beneficial relationship with their tribe, NOT BECAUSE THEY HAD ONE, but because the relationship they had with Tribe fueled them up.
Lots of people come to me with an expressed longing to be in community, yet I'm confused because them saying so implies they're not, and I've honestly not met a human who is not. We have our people from family to neighbors, to our fellow citizens, we have all these concentric circles that we rarely acknowledge adn almost never love on, or nourish in some way. What's deeper for these folks who feel locked out of healthy happy community, is that they're not satisfied in their relationship with their Tribe. That's a really helpful distinction because if you're vibrating at "I am so lonely, I have no tribe," then your life can only continue to confirm that truth.
Sometimes, the successful people proclamation about how you need a true supportive tribe, just made me sad. Cuz I didn't have it and had no freaking idea how to get it. Especially during the pre-tribe days when I was trying to be in monogamous nuclear relationships and it felt like the souls of my cells could feel the resonance of what those super successful people were saying, about being able to swim so much farther and longer and funner if you've got a supportive and loving tribe, but my mind surely couldn't make heads of tails of it so we stayed outside of tribe while my mind had time to try to get good with what my cell souls knew, had always known: I came here to love and play. And tribe is the funnest way for me, a mama, a captain and a wild thing, to live authentically and freely out of that solid central yin yang of love and play.
And sometimes, like tonight, IT IS THRILLING. Tonight I'd scheduled a private session with three clients to talk about sex but they'd canceled. Which spurred a realization in me that I wanted to talk about sex! Not with distant relatives in my mind who never approve, and not even with a specific lover, but with my extended tribe, these families and friends and community members who are helping me to build my heart's capacity to embrace the ever deepening invitation that love offers me and to stay real and uptodate with it.
So I put a call out to the tribe, saying I wanted to talk about sex (I didn't even really know what I meant, exactly but it felt so bright) and as people began to respond in droves, the conversation jack in the box opened, and I realized it felt SO freaking good to explore, creatively, and without shame or judgement, some of our deepest, sweetest and scariest thoughts about our own sexuality and how that fit or didn't fit into a life already in progress.
As the people filed out, the energy was SO WARM and tender and close. I feel like I heard hearts tinkling, like, audibly. And the depth and ease in the talking helped me to go deeper, to extend and be more honest and leading edge and brave about where I'm at in my journey as a lover of life, and of other humans. As each of us filed out into the night, it was like one of those moments in a hero movie where the hero is not alone, but is laughing with comrades and is happy and joined. The journey isn't won and over and done, but something true is happening and they're in it, together.