this thot appeared in my brain today and felt like all the cool breezes on all the sweaty necks:
instead of a bajillion little habits that just snare up your flow, what about having one GIANT habit?
Let's back up...
Today was one of those fresh out of the storm days. The week prior, I’d been sidebrained by a stomach flu and felt enough betrayed by life to let myself get a proper pout on.
So, when I awoke today I knew that it was especially important to use the fresh start of this first day of feeling well to prioritize a strong reconnection with my joy. As a joy coach, I know too well how quickly fussy momentums can get out of hand, and before we know it we feel out of control in the life we are creating, which, technically speaking, is probably the worst feeling ever.
I woke with a fierce intention to MEDITATE but when I sat down all I could think of was taking a long walk and calling my mama. Instead of fighting the urge, like I might do on a day when I am less committed to reconnecting with joy, I simply picked up my phone, went for a walk and called that sweet lassy.
As I listened to her wondrously full style of story telling (not really conscious of how the stories she tells affects her point of attraction) I found myself recoiling a little from “negative” stories and I almost tipped back into sad/sick blerg feelings but, but my ferocious commitment to not leave my joy behind so easily reared its stubborn head and then I suddenly realized that I could just be with her in her moment, without any judgement, without getting triggered or serious or weird at all. I could just listen and talk with my precious and perfect mama and as I removed judgement, I found myself entering the meditative state in a strong fresh way. Her lightly challenging me by gossiping strengthened my focus in a very ninja way.
As I walked, I deepened.
As I listened to her, my heart opened. As I spoke, my clarity grew.
I realized that life had opened up a new pathway for me to get to the thing I wanted, clarity, well being, a sense of presence and joy in the now. And later, as I was hanging out laundry I thanked the sun, outloud. As I shook out my son’s clothes, I thanked the wind and the green grass. As I got into my thanking, I began to feel even more of this skin of weariness shedding. And a new feeling of emergence broke through.
By the way, I have never genuinely spoken gratitude out like that. Not in that spell casting, power grounding way, not in that heart melting sideways feeling it so hard way.
I decided to say it outloud because it felt slightly more to do so.
I kept going, thanking my former self for designing a beautiful laundry line. Thanking my legs for carrying me everywhere like tiny silky horses. Then I started in with: “bless you little frog, bless you favorite, tall-in-the-sun chair, bless you thunder bumpers (bless you person who thought to name loud clouds this - although loud cloud ain’t bad either)” and it was so fun and activating to speak it out loud.
As preacher Joel Olsteen says, I was prophesizing my joy.
By following a light feeling urge, I found my way to real gladness, which is tremendously warming and nourishing and powerful. Exactly like the sun. A truly felt appreciation will stop the lonely spin and plunk you right back into the happy whir of all connected things & beings (with or without wings).
Which leads me to my epiphany about many habits versus one.
And, like, any epiphany, it feels exciting and new and, kind of big. They always do, don’t they? Cuz it’s you having hung out on your personal leading edge long enough to receive the clarity that lives at that vibration, clarity you can tap a foot to, clarity you can build your next dance upon.
I have long struggled with the seeming paradox that life goes better when I have habits, but they’re hard as butt to maintain or start AND the direct culmination of them seems to fly in the face of the whole “the basis of your life is freedom thing” that Abraham seems so sure of.
Today I was served by not doing what I normally do. I talked to the sun (I have always felt shy of thanking things outloud - I still worry what people will think) yet today, I was so fierce about reclaiming my rightful joy that I followed the inspiration that saying my gladness outloud would enchant me, and my state. And it did. It was like adding bourbon to hot chocolate, or pouring hot water over the tea leaves. It sprang open, released, softened and enlivened.
Life (in her infinitely expansive and wildly playful nature) just keeps coming up with ways for me to get aligned, to get happy, to get into that good ol’ Listening place, but my rigidity and lack of curiosity or playfulness keeps me from receiving those GIFTS of inspired portals to bliss that life is always opening up, in the form of new friends, new inspired projects, light urges to just go explore that old building, a sudden clarity that I need to go hike alone for a night.
I don't need to tell you this. You know what inspiration feels like, you know what it feels like to be wooed back into your wild and playful state.
And as expanding beings, we gotta stay flexible to stay in the curve. Imagine using the first Iphone to try to make a call! Life is going to be always bringing more efficient, more fun, lighter and ever more wonderful ways to connect to the now and to align with your higher self, so, what if our habits all boiled down to just the one:
I do my best to Listen with a playfull heart.
that’s it. that’s my habit.
It’s not easy. But it’s the one heavy hitting habit that takes care of the rest and gets me out of the ruts of shame, hiding or fear. Play and shame are on two very different ball courts. Listening necessitates that I don't let my life get cluttered, or get too far from clarity. I have to work for it. Staying close to playful energy means that I have to reject the major premise of our culture, that life is serious and we have to work hard and suffer.
Sometimes I ask, which way feels lighter? Sometimes the thing I have done very many times feel right and light. It doesn’t serve me to overthink why this may be, maybe I am craving certainty or sure bet energy, who knows? But sometimes what feels lighter is some new path, new option, and it might take me a minute to be able to hear or recognize it calling me if I am being rigid about my bazillion little habits, especially if I have forgotten why the heck I am doing all those other habits in the first place!
TO BE HAPPY, to be my unfettered self. To have clarity. To be IN the dance and not fighting the music.
It’s ironic to see now how my rigidity around my habits was actually killing my joy! Cannot tell you the number of stern and disappointed speeches I have finger wagged at myself for not meditating well enough. Glrb! What happens when I transmute that energy into LISTENING to where my joy is actually calling me. If not meditation, then where?
As I write these words, I can feel the weight of Trying energy slip off my shoulders and life blooms open again into its true huge bright sky dancing color spectrum.
I offer this because habits can become ruts and ruts aren’t fun for anyone. Maybe they are for ruts. I’m not sure and can’t think of how I would go about gleaning this info from a rut. Let me know if you have any thoughts. Or if any of my readers are ruts, I would especially like to hear from you on this issue.
p.s. your single habit will be different from mine, but it will nudge you towards the essence of openness, ease, dancing with instead of against life. I'm curious, if you had just one habit, what would it be?