Imagine you and I are having a conversation during which I share with you an idea I’m toying around with and I ask you for your feedback on it. If I am centered in my clear abiding self, I am truly seeking to co-create something with you and I’m interested in what the particular Strain of Music that pours through you has to to say about this, or what it feels inspired to add to or to alter the idea.
That’s a pure relationship with a feedback loop. I am clear enough to take the input of fresh information and use it to play more deeply.
If, however, I feel wobbly about either myself or the project, then what I am really asking you to do is to help me, however you can, with that wobble, but because I feel insecure and small to begin with, I probably don’t know how to clearly ask for that. So I’m gonna get pretty succubussy on your feedback because there’s a hole in my alignment and it’s thirsty for approval.
I often go to people with ideas that I feel wobbly about. I think it’s because I love to talk, to discuss, to chew over things and so whatever I’m interested in just flies out of my mouth. Learning how to dance with feedback has made that whole process even more fun.
I realized this after a meditation about some of my offerings and realized that my sense of my self was so tied up in these things being successful that I was responding really unusefully to the feedback I was getting from the world, and from myself about how they wanted to grow, because my little small self really needed these things to be already and foreverly perfect in order to soothe my insecurity, but my Larger self who swims forever in the deep, just wants to freaking play with the music pouring through this life expression. And just like when I’m singing jazz improv and my awareness wanders for a second, I instantly hear the slight dissonance and course correct, without feeling inadequate, without any kind of thoughts about my identity, I just want to stay where the music is sweet. Feedback is the most beautiful way of course correcting, as we continually expand and become more, in ways that lets us center in the sweet sweet center of the music.
If I am getting wonky, unsatisfying responses from the world, it mirrors the exact percentage of my true alignment with this spark. If I want to have more fun with the spark, I need to give it more love, to find its “why” to connect more to what’s juicy for me, etc. And as I do that energy work, the response from the world reflects the shift back to me.
But that’s the feedback from outside this little carbon-based life form, and the feedback within is massively more useful and relevant because I’m the one who’s gotta walk this path and if I’m not clear and all in then it’s only me who can shift that attitude and level of willingness.
Kyle Cease, transformation artist and speaker, talks about a really easy and lovely way to read your own feedback loop in any given moment by asking, “does this feel light in my body or heavy?” In other words, you run the question through your body and it gives you an answer that your mind might not be able to get to because it’s so obsessed with things like gmail and color-coding paper clip collections and it thinks spending many many hours on pinterest every day is an excellent use of your resources.
Light, or heavy?
Use your breath to drop it down into your body, and breathe the question open like you're using breath to burst an early morning campfire into flame.
Then, gosh, as bravely as you can, stop heading towards heavy. And start to trust the calling of the light by answering it with your big brave life.
Love from the deep,