Last week during volleyball, a newbie decided to duck every time the ball came her way. It was actually pretty funny at first. She’d just say “nope” and kind of pirouette out of the way. But after some time, it stopped feeling funny or even interesting because she’d stopped checking in with what she really wanted to do with the ball and it had become a habit to avoid it which felt unfresh and untrue.
A recent client was struggling because his wife refused to “do her part” in a situation that he saw as a joint issue. She felt annoyingly peaceful and resolved about it and it was driving him nuts. In his mind, the ball of this issue was in his wife’s court and she wasn’t dealing with it adequately so he was feeling helpless, an emotion he abhors, and so it was triggering an avalanche of attacky behaviors, none of which brought him any closer to the issue getting better so I told him flat out, “the ball is in your cart, the ball is always in your court.”
And here’s why: we live in a vibrational universe and we are always always always in control of how we’re vibrating via the thoughts we think and the responding emotional atmosphere we create around them. Happy thriving inner garden brings in a lush jungle of outward joys. Pinched off bitter angry inner landscape lands you a hard line life with not much ease or harmony or true joy.
This fella was feeling anxious, angry and helpless. Regardless the reasons for this, these feelings were setting his interior tone and creating an outer reality that could only match what he was offering. His wife had nothing to do with the situation at all. His judgey discontented thoughts contributed more to the unsatisfying dynamic he found himself in, a million times more than anything she was actually doing.
The ball was in his court, and it was hitting him in the head, over and over again, but he was giving away his power to have any real experience with the ball by blaming other people for not doing his work, instead of just putting his hands up and hitting the ball over the net.
Let’s drop the metaphors for a minute.
You can tell you’re avoiding this truth for yourself if there’s a situation in your life that’s not moving how you want it to, or if you feel kind of chronically anxious about something or if you’re waiting on someone else to do something so you can feel a certain way or move ahead. These are all signs that the ball is actually in your court but you don’t know how to respond.
When I encounter this in myself, it’s helpful and o so relieving to simply admit that the ball is in my court, at which point I admit how I’m actually feeling about the situation. This first step reclaims that blaming tendency we are so freaking fond of and pulls the energy back into your court. Then I let myself have my feelings about it, as fully as I’m willing (this varies, depending on my day and my current brat level). After I’ve had my feelings it’s easier for me to acknowledge how I have vibrationally co-created this crappy situation with my focus and that I can create a new more better one now that I’m clearer. This honest space is a really good one to dream the situation forward from because you’ve swept out your inner space and what magnetizes to that will be equally clear.
I call that Eyes on the Horizon, Sailor, cuz a good sailor or captain has got to keep an eye on where the ship is going or they’ll either go in silly circles or be at the whim of every current the ocean brings their way. So I dream into how I’d prefer things go and find the emotions beneath it. It’s like opening the windows on a hot stuffy house and letting the breeze just renew everything.
Today, on day one of the deep sharing hoo ha I’m embarking on, I invite you to embark on your own deeper looking. Where in your life are you getting hit in the head with a ball that just wants you to step in and play more consciously?
Happy Sportin’, y’all