Late night on the first real night of a shittily planned walking pilgrimage through Ireland of course we got horrendously lost, of course we were weighted down with packs so heavy they seemed magnetically polarized to the center of the earth and trying like the dickens to return there. Of course it was late in the way that makes you hopeless instead of excited about dawn. And of course a friend was giving uninspired advice that would just compound the problem, but no one has the energy to raise up to clarity, so what the hell, we followed the advice to walk a mile in a direction that something in me said "no, wrong way...
When I scanned into the energy I was feeling, it felt cul de sac-ish. Which is a very specific feeling thing. We walked the long, weary mile, ran into a massive wall that rolled into a fortressed cul de sac, and then on the long-ass backtracking mile, I spent my time rejoicing, because I VERY CLEARLY heard something that there was no way for my logical mind to know. I'd heard a buzz, from the deep, and even though I ignored it and had no skills at listening or taking action on that buzz, I freaking heard it.
But resonance with what? What was it that I was resonating with and hearing?
I grew up in a Christian home where I was taught that while God was always speaking to me, I wasn't always listening and I've come to really believe in the veracity of that, but with some tweaks. I believe that solutions and clarity and access to the part of me that is Source Energy, pure godforcestuffio, exists on frequencies that I can come into range of. That's what this 100 days in the deep is all about, actually. I want to drop into the resonance and hone the parts of me that are so thirsty to dance really close with my deeper self.
If something resonates with us, it's bouncing against something that feels true and important and good to us, when we say something is resonant, we me it is in sync with a deeper part of ourselves. If something doesn't resonate, then it isn't bouncing off something, there's no point of reference to work with, to play with, like a bat. The bat works with echo location to navigate without eyeballs (I'm not actually sure that bats don't have eyeballs but pretty sure they don't use them to see. I'm gonna just leave this one alone before it gets weirder than it needs to)
It's kind of like our higher selves are always playing a game of "colder/warmer" with us, and all we have to do is play along and not pretend something is warm when it's actually cold for us.
I've found that the easiest and most straightforward way (tho, not always simple to come into range of doing) is to just do whatever is most thrilling to me, as hard and fully and joyously as I can and to not give a rip what happens with it, cuz I'm so enchanted and crushing out on how good and sweet and really fun it is to be engaging in something I feel so pure and bright and clear about. It's SO FUN to feel purely and to go towards something simply cuz I wanna. It is the central joy of childhood, reclaimed and woven back into your life as a core gesture. This kind of pure engagement almost always takes me very very deep.
And when I've gone deep, I feel the quiet die away, and calmness fill up the spaces where anxiety was. I feel clear, and kind of enlightened. I get "it" whatever it is. I just freaking get it, because in the deep places, I am connected again, with my Source self and that wisdom is flowing like the river it is.
Another way to go deep if I can't just do what feels bright, with my whole dingdang heart (sometimes I'm too fussy and crosswise to even remember this is possible or that it works) is to simply do ONE thing, all the way, and stop trying to do all the other things. It's almost arbitrary what one thing I do, as long as I let it be THE WHOLE enchilada, and I enter it with a kind of entering the temple devotion. Last night I had so many options and social engagements, but going home and cleaning up my basement felt WEIRDLY BRIGHT (This is a good sign that something is a trustworthy buzz, cuz it won't have permission from your mind) and so I followed it, and put on an old love story, and sorted and cleaned in a kind of blissy fugue, not doing anything else, just sorting and ordering chaos. And I went to bed with such peace and easy joy in me, and dreamt of solutions to issues in my business, and then had such pleasure and delight everytime I went downstairs and knew exactly where everything is.
I entered my choice, fully, without any flaps hanging out causing resistance. Some of our favorite flaps are resentment, blame, indecision, worry, doubt, thinking about greener grasses etc. I just didn't let myself indulge and enjoyed the shit out of my night, and it took me deep. I felt cathartic, calm, clear, ready.
As I finish writing this, the sky is rumbling with storms a comin' and it's SPORTS NIGHT. When I scan, it feels bright to go do sports in the rain. Who knows why? Maybe ferocity is the exact flavor the soup of me is calling. Maybe spades of wild pure, all in and yes please full body kind of fun.
It's sweet and gorgeous to begin to regularly talk with the deeper part of yourself, not just on mountain tops or during retreats, but when you're choosing the minute and glorious details of your wondrous life already in progress.
love from the deep,