What's the name of those whappy hand things that are gooey and you get them in machines outside grocery stores and you hold onto one end and hurl the other one towards a wall or window and it extends impossibly far then whap sticks wherever it lands? I had a vision of one of those just before bed, and my whole life flashed before my eyes.
True gladness is arbitrary. It's a sparking of your truer perspective shining light into the surface of your life. It's also a way of geting in sync almost faster than any other move I know of.
So, we want to practice that move. In GI Jane, she has to practice and practice the move of reassembling a fancy complicated gun without looking so that when the real life moment arises she doesn't get tangled up on the details of the action, so she can just use it to survive ... or ... to do whatever the heck she was doing in the film besides a lot of sexy sweaty push up montages.
Imagine you and I are having a conversation during which I share with you an idea I’m toying around with and I ask you for your feedback on it. If I am centered in my clear abiding self, I am truly seeking to co-create something with you and I’m interested in what the particular Strain of Music that pours through you has to to say about this, or what it feels inspired to add to or to alter the idea.
That’s a pure relationship with a feedback loop. I am clear enough to take the input of fresh information and use it to play more deeply.
Last night, after approximately a zillion laughing, and still-dancing people left my office, (post-community Sex Talk) my son, after watching me speed-type my post, coming in a few hairs under midnight, quietly said, “maybe it would be easier if you start writing these things a little earlier in the day?”
Gosh, yes. Maybe it would. But see, I'm still falling in love with time in her deepest form, and I still have habits of distraction and unintentionalness that keeps swimming in the shallow end of time some days. Time, like all the other areas of my life, is very actively being hauled, ass over tea kettle, into The Deep, where my most connected awareness is present and accounted for.
I'm drawn to tribe, can't seem to escape 'em, feel happier in them then not and yet I'm not as clear as I want to be because the deeper I go, the less willingness I have for any thing that distracts me from the deepening rather than being catalytic for depth.
And tribe has this dual edge, in its less intentional manifestation it takes you from your deep, sweet life, but, as so many high performers say on their lists of Secrets to their Success, is the fact if it weren't for their tribe, family, and friends they wouldn't have found or maintained their Big Yes Groove so magically. They were able to dive deeply because they had a clearly beneficial relationship with their tribe, NOT BECAUSE THEY HAD ONE, but because the relationship they had with Tribe fueled them up.
I like getting dreamy and sweet on something, especially with someone else. It’s just delectable, when both people have no resistance and are focused together on something they love, the energy just soars. You become birds together, and shed your heavy human bones for a minute and take flight.
But Lord sometime the yesses I give in those spaces aren’t worth a poop by the time it comes to fulfill them.
Here's a beautiful irony: about a week ago, I was talking about the upcoming total solar eclipse with a steward at the local art space who was going to NYC and would miss it, tho it was going to pass practically on top of my home and the art space we were standing in (couldn't he wait a week?) He had a look of stricken panic on his face, then started laughing, "o, no, I don't do FOMO anymore." And that was that. At which point I learned about the phenomenon called Fear of Missing Out and simultaneously said a very inaccurate thing, "O. I don't ever have FOMO." And that was that.
Except, was it?
Seth Godin and a gadzillion other tuned in wonderful thinker sharer people suggest that you reconnect to your essential reason for doing a thing, your why, your what for. I agree, completely and decided, this past week, to step off the gas on some projects and to reconnect to my "what for" and discovered, to my great dismay, that I am a total bore, cuz it's the same thing, all the way across the board. Like a Cindi Lauper fiend, I am a girl who just wants to have fun.
The Dalai Lama said something to the effect of, "so you think you're enlightened, eh? Try going home and spending a weekend with your family." Except he said it with so much radiant knowingness that he was literally and transcendently incapable of snark.
Luckily for us, I am not yet that full of radiant knowingness. Snark is like half my joke stream.
As I write this, I have just recently gazelle-fled a fight with a community member, all steamed up around the vents and wanting to punch something soft that would maybe explode or scream when I hit it.
Except I'm a little pressed for time. And I've got this going deep habit, so I get to find the deep here, somehow, through what feels like a thicket of blame and fuck-you-ness.
(these are the times when I feel most acutely grateful for my conscious habits, when they hold me and help me take the high road when I might otherwise have spun out)
The question bubbling: how do I go deep when I feel in strife about another human who's close to me in every possible way? The feeling of strife itself, of feeling unsafe, activates that whole amygdala hi-jack thing and all you want to do is run hard and kill the cheetah before it kills you.
To begin to answer the question, I have to pretend I am my own client. This is helpful cuz it reminds me not to be mean to myself.
When I'm feeling in strife, I need acres of tenderness, not yelling.
If I were my own client, I would remind me that, as I very well and fully know, we live in a vibrational universe. If I came into range of a fight with someone who was very out of alignment, that speaks to my own state of being, and it might be a helpful point of entry into the deep, simply for me to own my own innate vibrational complicity. Doing so can release tension from unconscious fighting the situation and our tendencies to blame and disassociate.
Next, I will remind me that it might be too hard or too soon to own my vibrational part in the situation and it might be nicer to just blame and freak out and have a Feel my Feelings Party.
(Insert a Feel my Feelings Party here - read the last blog post if you want more deets on how to have one of those fun guys for yourself)
Feelings fully felt, I will ask Client me if I feel any better.
Client me says yes, I do, but still mentally stuck in the thot that I have a Situation. Client me will point out that it has a capitolized S. Coach me waits until Client me's need need to be acknowledged for cleverness passes and then we move on. To identifying the thot itself. Client me has to pause to find it. I tell me to close my eyes and stop trying to be right for a second and bring all the energy I am bringing to making this a Big Deal and reroute it into being present with the experience itself, without the swarm of judgements.
I watch me sigh. This is the first real moment I've had with it. I take a breath. It's full and sweet. Then I let the breath go. I say, "I'm worried he's a villain, there's something intrinsically wrong and I'll keep drawing in broken men."
Gah. Client me crumples. I smile. How fun it is to see what's beneath the waves. It's such a place of traction! I tell Client me this, who whimpers a little and mutters something to the effect of, "shouldn't I be OVER THIS SHIT BY NOW?" and other self lacerating thing for a while, while I prepare to celebrate this win even more because instead of trying to pretend like this surface drama could be dealt with at it's rumbly hard edges, Client me dared to go deep on it and see what the eff is actually going on, and in doing so, found a place they can dream new, clear, raise up, play open or whatever, but none of that would have happened if Client me had pretended that the fight was about the fight.
Client me had set herself free by being brave about going deep. Good thing she has an excellent coach.
love from the deep,
schizophrenic coach client natalie